Joke of the day

[Kimbo]

A teenage boy had just passed his driving test and inquired of his father as to when they could discuss his use of the car.

His father said he'd make a deal with his son: 'You bring your grades up from a C to a B average, study your Bible a little, and get your hair cut. Then we'll talk about the car.'

The boy thought about that for a moment, decided he'd settle for the offer, and they agreed on it.

After about six weeks his father said, 'Son, you've brought your grades up and I've observed that you have been studying your bible, but I'm disappointed you haven't had your hair cut.

The boy said, 'You know, Dad, I've been thinking about that, and I've noticed in my studies of the Bible that Samson had long hair, John the Baptist had long hair, Moses had long hair - and there's even strong evidence that Jesus had long hair.'



You're going to love the Dad's reply:



To this his father replied, 'Did you also notice they walked everywhere they went?'

[Mike9300]

Nice Kimbo......Very nice

My daughter is turrning 15 in a couple months
time to drive for her very soon
 

[Kimbo]

Mine hit 16 last month, Mike, so I know where you're coming from

[Mike9300]

Mine hit 16 last month, Mike, so I know where you're coming from

yea man it is hard to deal with....so mine is very involved in sports, loves softball and volleyball and that keeps her busy most of the year thank god

She plays school and travel for Softball and just school volleyball

[VolksDragen]

My Daughter is 23 and my son is 29. I can't even remember back that far when they got their drivers licenses 
Wait, Im only 25, how'd that happen 

[buggyman]

 

My Daughter is 23 and my son is 29. I can't even remember back that far when they got their drivers licenses 
Wait, Im only 25, how'd that happen 

You're ahead of your time? .

 

[Rick G]

A frog was getting very depressed because he seemed to have the worse luck of any animal in the pond. Everything he did seemed to backfire and to top it off his could never find a female that wanted to mate with him. He fantasized about a beautiful maiden finding him and kissing him so he would become a handsome prince and he could laugh at his tormenters in the swamp as they rode of into the sunset, but alas he knew it was only a fairy tale and nothing like this could happen in real life. One day he went to a fortune teller to find out if his luck would ever improve. She told him he would soon come into contact with a beautiful young human girl. She would be obsessed with him, wanting to learn everything about him, how he lived his life and what made him tick. He was so excited and asked "Will I meet her at a party, or will she be walking along the shore or something? Where will I meet such a young lady? they fortune teller answered "In Biology class!"

[Rick G]

An elderly man in Florida had owned a large farm for several years.

He had a large pond in the back. It was properly shaped for swimming, so he fixed it up nice with picnic tables, horseshoe courts, and some apple and peach trees.

One evening the old farmer decided to go down to the pond, as he hadn't been there for a while, and look it over.

He grabbed a five-gallon bucket to bring back some fruit.

As he neared the pond, he heard voices shouting and laughing with glee.

As he came closer, he saw it was a bunch of young women skinny-dipping in his pond.

He made the women aware of his presence and they all went to the deep end.

One of the women shouted to him, 'we're not coming out until you leave!'

The old man frowned, 'I didn't come down here to watch you ladies swim naked or make you get out of the pond naked.'

Holding the bucket up he said, 'I'm here to feed the alligator....'

Some old men can still think fast!!!

[Mike9300]

Well done Rick.....I like it!!!

[Rick G]

[Mike9300]

going to need a bigger box for that....LOL

[VolksDragen]

Two blonds were sipping their Starbucks when a truck went past loaded up with rolls of sod.
 
"I'm going to do that when I win the lottery," announced Blond #1.
 
"Do what?", asked Blond #2.
 
"Send my lawn out to be mowed"

[Mike9300]

Two blonds were sipping their Starbucks when a truck went past loaded up with rolls of sod.
 
"I'm going to do that when I win the lottery," announced Blond #1.
 
"Do what?", asked Blond #2.
 
"Send my lawn out to be mowed"

LOL I love blonde jokes since my wife is one

I love this one

if a brunett and a read head jump off a building who lands first





who cares "they are not blonde"

[Rick G]

[Rick G]

The ultimate solution for plumbers butt

[VolksDragen]

So do they have an old German woman pictured on the Tee for the guys with booty hair? 

[Rick G]

[VolksDragen]

Another 'UTTERLY" ridiculous invention 

I can picture the commercial for this product.....

"New from RONCO" adult sippy cups!!!  "come in sizes A through G".... "Add your fav beverage and just pop em into the freezer for 30 minutes then hang em and Presto!  "No cup holders? no problem with RONCO's "Hang-A-sippy cup"  "No more spills.
"Be the first on your block to sport these babies!!! "Perfect for BBQ's, Fishing, Family reunions and more"!! "And since they are sold in Pairs this gives a new twist to 'Mixed drinks'
"One pair of RONCO's adult sippy cups are only $19.99, "If you call now we will throw in 3 more pairs absolutely free"!!!! 

[Kimbo]

I'd only buy them if I could take them for a "test drive" first

[buggyman]

 

Hmmm! ,enough room "up there" to earn $1,250.00 per day ,kinda bored look on "her" face ,muscular build
<a href="http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=alPQgx7SGms" target="_blank">http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=alPQgx7SGms</a>
<a href="http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=nf0oXY4nDxE" target="_blank">http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=nf0oXY4nDxE</a>
 

 

[Mike9300]

Nice Rick......just wish she was not so strong looking 

[Mike9300]

Little Johnny

The kids filed into class Monday morning. They were all very excited. Their weekend assignment was to sell something, then give a talk on salesmanship.

Little Sally led off. "I sold Girl Scout cookies and I made $30" she said proudly, "My sales approach was to appeal to the customer's civil spirit and I credit that approach for my obvious success."

"Very good", said the teacher.



Little Debbie was next. "I sold magazines" she said, "I made $5 and I explained to everyone that magazines would keep them up on current events."

"Very good, Debbie", said the teacher.

Eventually, it was Little Johnny's turn. The teacher held her breath. Little Johnny walked to the front of the classroom and dumped a box full of cash on the teacher's desk.

$2,467", he said.
$2,467!" cried the teacher, "What in the world were you selling?"



Toothbrushes", said Little Johnny.



"Toothbrushes", echoed the teacher, "How could you possibly sell enough toothbrushes to make that much money?"



"I found the busiest corner in town", said Little Johnny, "I set up a Dip & Chip stand and I gave everybody who walked by a free sample. They all said the same thing, 'Hey this tastes like dog crap!' Then I would say, 'It is dog crap. Wanna buy a toothbrush?'

I used the President Obama method of giving you something really shitty, dressing it up so it looks good, telling you it's free, and then making you pay to get the bad taste out of your mouth."



Little Johnny got five stars for his assignment.

[Rick G]

Two men were having coffee, when one of them said: "Last night, my son just
walked into the living room and said, “Dad, cancel my allowance immediately,
rent my room out, throw all my clothes out of the window, take my TV,
stereo, iPhone, iPod, and my laptop.

Please give my jewelry to the Salvation Army or Goodwill.

Then sell my car.

Take my front door key away from me and throw
me out of the house.

Then disown me and never talk to me again. And don't forget to write
me out of your will and leave my share to my brother.

The other man said: "Wow, he really said that?"

Well, he didn't put it quite that way. He actually said...

“Dad, I’ve decided to work for Obama's re-election campaign".

[Kimbo]

 

[TabiCatz]

The best way to fix things!