Joke of the day

[TabiCatz]

a woman's grill

Hey! Do you have these for sale? LOL

[Rick G]

I'm thinking I could make em and sell em at the flea market

[67Sedan]

i'll take a pair

[Rob 57 Oval (Talon)]

I'm thinking I could make em and sell em at the flea market

I thought the same thing!!   

[VolksDragen]

What do you call a packed down Chevy Lowrider? - - -  - - A Monte CarLoad  

What's slower than a '56 VDub? - - - - - - - 6 Illeagls in a '87 Civic 


(sorry, im bad)

[Kimbo]

The Aussie Version of Creation


In the beginning God created day and night.
He created day for footy matches, going to the beach.....

And BBQ's......


He created night for going prawning,
sleeping and BBQ's, and God saw that it was good.


On the Second Day, God created water....for surfing, swimming, and BBQ's on the beach,
and God saw that it was good.


On the Third Day God created the Earth to bring forth plants to provide malt and yeast for beer

and wood for BBQs, and God saw that it was good..


On the Fourth Day God created animals
and crustaceans ,chops, sausages,
steak and prawns for BBQ's, and God saw that it was good.

On the Fifth day God created a Bloke to go to the footy, enjoy the beach, drink the beer and eat the meat and prawns at BBQ's, and God saw that it was good.


On the Sixth Day God saw that the Bloke was lonely and needed someone to go to the footy, surf, drink beer, eat and stand around the barbie with.

So God created Mates, and God saw that they were good Blokes, and God saw that it was good.

On the Seventh Day God looked around at the twinkling barbie fires, heard the hiss of opening beer cans and the raucous laughter of all the Blokes. He smelled the aroma of grilled chops and sizzling prawns and God Saw that it was good .. ...

Well.... Almost good.....

He saw that the Blokes were too tired to clean up and needed a rest.
So God created Sheilas to clean the house, to bear children, to wash, to cook and to clean the Barbie, and then God saw that it was not just good.....

It was better than that, it was Bloody Awesome!

IT WAS AUSTRALIA!!!!!

[Rob 57 Oval (Talon)]

I, for the life of me, cannot figure out why my wife didn't laugh at this.   

[Mike9300]

I, for the life of me, cannot figure out why my wife didn't laugh at this.   

Yea whats up with that, did your wife talk to mine?  she did not laugh at all 

[VolksDragen]

TEXAS BEER JOINT SUES A CHURCH

In the small Texas town of Mt. Vernon, Drummond’s Bar
began construction on a new building to increase their business.

The local Baptist church started a campaign to block the
bar from opening with petitions and prayers.

Work progressed right up till the week before opening when
lightning struck the bar and it burned to the ground.

The church folks were rather smug in their outlook after
that, until the bar owner sued the church on the grounds that the church was
ultimately responsible for the demise of his building, either through direct
or indirect actions or means.

The church vehemently denied all responsibility or any
connection to the building’s demise in its reply to the court.

As the case made its way into court, the judge looked over
the paperwork. At the hearing he commented, “I don’t know how I’m going to
decide this, but as it appears from the paperwork, we have a bar owner who
believes in the power of prayer and an entire church congregation that does
not.”

[Kimbo]

Oh To Be 12 Again...


A man was sitting on the edge of the bed, observing his wife, looking at herself in the mirror. Since her birthday was not far off he asked what she'd like to have for her birthday.

“I'd like to be twelve again”, she replied, still looking in the mirror.

On the morning of her Birthday, he arose early, made her a nice big bowl of Coco Pops, and then took her to Alton Towers theme park.

What a day! He put her on every ride in the park; the Death Slide, the Corkscrew, the Wall of Fear, the Screaming Monster Roller Coaster, everything there was.

Five hours later they staggered out of the theme park.

Her head was reeling and her stomach felt upside down.

He then took her to a Mc Donald's where he ordered her a Happy Meal with extra fries and a chocolate shake.

Then it was off to the cinema with popcorn, a huge Cola, and her favourite sweets...........M&M's. What a fabulous adventure!

Finally she wobbled home with her husband and collapsed into bed exhausted. He leaned over his wife with a big smile and lovingly asked, 'Well Dear, what was it like being twelve again?'

Her eyes slowly opened and her expression suddenly changed. 'I meant my dress size, you retard!!!!'

The moral of the story: Even when a man is listening, he is gonna get it wrong.

[Kimbo]

I, for the life of me, cannot figure out why my wife didn't laugh at this.   

Yea whats up with that, did your wife talk to mine?  she did not laugh at all 

YOU DID WHAT ?? SHOWED IT TO THE WIVES !!! Oh no, no, no, no..... that's "secret mens business", as our indigenous population call it, not for wholesale family distribution

[Rob 57 Oval (Talon)]

I, for the life of me, cannot figure out why my wife didn't laugh at this.   

Yea whats up with that, did your wife talk to mine?  she did not laugh at all 

YOU DID WHAT ?? SHOWED IT TO THE WIVES !!! Oh no, no, no, no..... that's "secret mens business", as our indigenous population call it, not for wholesale family distribution

She was looking over my shoulder as i was laughing so hard!!

[Mike9300]

TEXAS BEER JOINT SUES A CHURCH
Nice, I like that one

Oh To Be 12 Again...
O man this is so true....my wife tells me that all the time

 

[TabiCatz]

I, for the life of me, cannot figure out why my wife didn't laugh at this.   

Yea whats up with that, did your wife talk to mine?  she did not laugh at all 

I giggled...

[Kimbo]

After having dug to a depth of 10 feet last year, Melbourne scientists found traces of copper wire dating back 100 years and came to the conclusion that their ancestors already had a telephone network more than 100 years ago. Not to be outdone by the Victorians, in the weeks that followed, a Sydney archaeologist dug to a depth of 20 feet, and shortly after, a story published in the Sydney Morning Herald read:
"New South Wales archaeologists, finding traces of  130-year-old copper wire, have concluded that their ancestors already had an advanced high-tech communications network 30 years earlier than the Victorians". One week later, The Advertiser in Adelaide, South Australia, reported the following:"After digging as deep as 30 feet in his pasture near Gawler, South Australia, John Brown, a self-taught archaeologist, reported that he found absolutely f*** all. John has therefore concluded that 150 years ago, South Australia had already gone wireless."

Just makes you bloody proud to be a South Aussie!

[VolksDragen]

  Good one!

[Kimbo]

How to hold on correctly, when in a moving train.....

[Rob 57 Oval (Talon)]

How to hold on correctly, when in a moving train.....

Looks like she is!!   

[Rick G]

I saw her in Atlanta airport

[Kimbo]

I saw her in Atlanta airport

.... and what was she holding on to there ?

[Mike9300]

I saw her in Atlanta airport

.... and what was she holding on to there ?

a pole....DUH....

[Kimbo]

I saw her in Atlanta airport

.... and what was she holding on to there ?

a pole....DUH....

Ha, yeah, and quite possibly the same one !!

[Kimbo]

Some motivational posters for you...

[ncbuggy]

I feel motivated.... real motivated!!       

[VolksDragen]

'Udderly ridiculous' to say the least