Joke of the day

[Leatherneck]

there are not any good looking ones over here, well at least that you can see so if these are to much just make em disappear, I understand I screwed up again.

Why is a Laundromat a really bad place to pick up a woman?
Because a woman who can't even afford a washing machine will probably never be able to support you.

How do you fix a woman's watch?
You don't. There is a clock on the oven.

Why do women have smaller feet than men?
It's one of those 'evolutionary things' that allows them to stand closer to the stove and the kitchen sink.

I hope my wife does not see this.

[VolksDragen]

what is this "rains" stuff you speak of???

"Rain" it just drizzled enough to damp the street.
I noticed my weather pic shows all clear now, It's updating current weather, Kool, now everone can watch and let me know if it will ever rain here, Don, I live just up the road from Santa Barbara

Vin, there must be a lot of 'Vegitarians' here, Your new 'Jumbo Jack trike' avatar got you a Ump-teenmillion smites   I like it! I will give you a +karma

[Rick G]

I hope my wife does not see this.

Link has been e-mailed

[VIN]

thanks dragen, trike is compliments of Don.

[VolksDragen]

thanks dragen, trike is compliments of Don.

Vin... You got some crazy karma here on the Chirco circuit   Now you got ZERO smites, Do we ask how that happened?!

[VolksDragen]

Ever had one of those 'crappy' days?

[VIN]

thanks dragen, trike is compliments of Don.

Vin... You got some crazy karma here on the Chirco circuit   Now you got ZERO smites, Do we ask how that happened?!

karma fairy

[Don]

Ouch

[VolksDragen]

One more post DON..... ur @ 4999, You can do eeeet
Ahhhhhh you postmasta 

[VIN]

post slut..

[Don]

post slut..

You darn 0 smiter
Last time I looked your had over 65000 smites.

[VolksDragen]

After becoming very frustrated with the attitude of one of the shopkeepers,
the young blonde declared, 'Well, then, maybe I'll just go out and
catch my own alligator and get a pair of alligator shoes for free!'   

The shopkeeper replied with a sly smile, 'Well, little lady, why don't
you go on and give it a try?'   

The blonde headed off to the swamp, determined to catch an alligator.

Later in the day, as the shopkeeper was driving home, he spotted
the same young woman standing waist deep in the murky water, shotgun in hand.
As he brought his car to a stop, he saw a huge 9-foot gator swimming rapidly toward her.
With lightning reflexes, the blonde took aim, shot the creature and hauled it up
onto the slippery bank. Nearby were 7 more dead gators all lying belly up.

The shopkeeper stood on the bank, watching in silent amazement as the
blonde struggled mightily and barely managed to flip the gator onto its back.

Then, rolling her eyes heavenward, she screamed in frustration.....

 

'CRAP! THIS ONE'S BAREFOOT, TOO!
 

[VIN]

post slut..

You darn 0 smiter
Last time I looked your had over 65000 smites.

 

[Rob 57 Oval (Talon)]

post slut..

You darn 0 smiter
Last time I looked your had over 65000 smites.

What the $(*#!!!  I'm not at 0... Nevermind... I probably deserved mine  .

[VolksDragen]

Talon: Zero smites are a special privilege, Guess we don't rate, Heck you were even a special dinner guest with 'The Don' what gives  

[VolksDragen]

When a solicitor asks to use your bathroom, make sure you install this roll.....

[VIN]

what if you forget to uninstall it?

[Don]

what if you forget to uninstall it?

Looks like Army paper

[Rob 57 Oval (Talon)]

what if you forget to uninstall it?

Looks like Army paper

Looks better than what I will have soon!!    Thank God for Unscented baby wipes 

[VolksDragen]

That paper is 'Degrading'

[VolksDragen]

what if you forget to uninstall it?

No more 'Hemmies' 

[VIN]

That paper is 'Degrading'

 

[Leatherneck]

I hope this is a joke, funny and sad at the same time.



OKAY.  How would you pronounce this child's name:  "Le-a" 

 Leah??  NO
 Lee - A??   NOPE
 Lay - a??   NO
 Lei??   Guess Again.

This child attends a school in Livingston Parish, LA. Her mother is irate because everyone is getting her name wrong. It's pronounced "Ledasha". When the Mother was asked about the pronunciation of the name, she said, "the dash don't be silent." 

 

SO, if you see something come across your desk like this please remember to pronounce the dash. If they axe you why, tell them the dash don't be silent.

[VolksDragen]

THE LAWS OF ULTIMATE REALITY
Murphy's Law ADDENDUM)




Law of Mechanical Repair
After your hands become coated with grease, your nose will begin to itch and you'll have to pee.

Law of Gravity
Any tool, when dropped, will roll to the least accessible corner.

Law of Probability
The probability of being watched is directly proportional to the stupidity of your act.

Law of Random Numbers
If you dial a wrong number, you never get a busy signal and someone always answers.

Law of the Alibi
If you tell the boss you were late for work because you had a flat tire, the very next morning you will have a flat tire.

Variation Law
If you change lines (or traffic lanes), the one you were in will always move faster than the one you are in now (works every time)

Law of the Bath
When the body is fully immersed in water, the telephone rings.

Law of Close Encounters
The probability of meeting someone you know increases dramatically when you are with someone you don't want to be seen with.

Law of the Result
When you try to prove to someone that a machine won't work, it will.

Law of Biomechanics
The severity of the itch is inversely proportional to the reach.

Law of the Theatre
At any event, the people whose seats are furthest from the aisle arrive last.

The Starbucks Law
As soon as you sit down to a cup of hot coffee, your boss will ask you to do something which will last until the coffee is cold.

Murphy's Law of Lockers
If there are only two people in a locker room, they will have adjacent lockers.

Law of Physical Surfaces
The chances of an open-faced jelly sandwich landing face down on a floor covering are directly correlated to the newness and cost of the carpet/rug.

Law of Logical Argument
Anything is possible if you don't know what you are talking about.

Brown's Law of Physical Appearance
If the shoe fits, it's ugly.

Oliver's Law of Public Speaking
A closed mouth gathers no feet.

Berns' Law of Commercial Marketing Strategy
As soon as you find a product that you really like, they will stop making it.

Doctors' Law
If you don't feel well, make an appointment to go to the doctor, by the time you get there you'll feel better.
If you don't make an appointment and you'll stay sick.

[Leatherneck]

Gun Ownership in Texas


A woman was called in front of a Texas grand jury for manslaughter after she shot a mugger 6 times in the back as he was running away with her purse. He grabbed the purse and ran, she had her hand on the gun in it, and was left with the revolver in her hand. When asked by the grand jury why she shot the man 6 times in the back as he was running away, she replied under oath: "Because when I pulled the trigger the 7th time it only went click" 

Acquitted of all charges.