Joke of the day

[Rob 57 Oval (Talon)]

VolksDragen..  I love your new rides!!!  Now you can start that "Redneck Family Reunion/wedding Limo Service" you have always dreamed of!!!  Can I borow the "RV" next Spring Break"? I want to take the family to the Ozarks and go kyaking down a Southern river. 

lol

[Cailleac Bhuer]

HHAHAHA. those were all great!

[corrosion]

Investment tips for 2008


        With all the turmoil in the market today and the collapse of Lehman
Bros and Acquisition of Merrill Lynch by Bank of America this might be
some good advice.
        For all of you with any money left, be aware of the next
expected mergers so that you can get in on the ground floor and make some BIG
bucks.

        Watch for these consolidations in later this year:

        1.) Hale Business Systems, Mary Kay Cosmetics, Fuller Brush, and
WR. Grace Co. Will merge and become:
                 Hale, Mary, Fuller, Grace.

        2.) Polygram Records, Warner Bros., and Zesta Crackers join
forces and become:
                 Poly, Warner Cracker.

        3.) 3M will merge with Goodyear and become:
                 MMMGood.

        4. Zippo Manufacturing, Audi Motors, Dofasco, and Dakota Mining
will merge and become:
                 ZipAudiDoDa .

        5. FedEx is expected to join its competitor, UPS, and become:
                 FedUP.

        6. Fairchild Electronics and Honeywell Computers will become:
                 Fairwell Honeychild.

        7. Grey Poupon and Docker Pants are expected to become:
                 PouponPants.

        8. Knotts Berry Farm and the National Organization of Women will become:
                 Knott NOW!

        And finally...

        9. Victoria 's Secret and Smith &Wesson will merge under the
new name:
                 TittyTittyBangBang

[VolksDragen]

VolksDragen..  I love your new rides!!!  Now you can start that "Redneck Family Reunion/wedding Limo Service" you have always dreamed of!!!  Can I borow the "RV" next Spring Break"? I want to take the family to the Ozarks and go kyaking down a Southern river. 

lol

Sure, no problem! It's a good winter camper too, the fireplace is very warm

[VolksDragen]

Hey Talon2.
You said you live in the "arm pit" of N.M.
At least you don't live in the "butt crack" of California (bakersfield) or anywhere else in The San Joquin valley.
Home of Smog - Fog - Sand storms - Stinky cattle - Oil fields - Blazing hot summers - Valley fever - Ruffnecks and Rednecks

[Cailleac Bhuer]

 

[Rob 57 Oval (Talon)]

Hey Talon2.
You said you live in the "arm pit" of N.M.
At least you don't live in the "butt crack" of California (bakersfield) or anywhere else in The San Joquin valley.
Home of Smog - Fog - Sand storms - Stinky cattle - Oil fields - Blazing hot summers - Valley fever - Ruffnecks and Rednecks

You win... We only have the Sand storms, SCA (Stinky Cow A$$), and Hot Summers.

[Don]

[Rick G]

I've seen that before somewhere, he has on heck of smile on his face so maybe there is more to the story

[Cailleac Bhuer]

Hey Talon2.
You said you live in the "arm pit" of N.M.
At least you don't live in the "butt crack" of California (bakersfield) or anywhere else in The San Joquin valley.
Home of Smog - Fog - Sand storms - Stinky cattle - Oil fields - Blazing hot summers - Valley fever - Ruffnecks and Rednecks

I lived lots o' places...
I gotta say Winchester, CA and Zeeland, ND also fit in  he Bakersfield, CA way of life, 'cept in Zeeland there ainto sandstorms, only windstorms, aka tornado's, (which we get as an added plus these days in Winchester).  Tornado's happen at least once a year now,  bigger then life dust devils that should equal a small tornado, a weekly occurrence....

 I love it when it rains straw, (anyone-else witness it rain tadpoles?)

[Cailleac Bhuer]

Your car is so slow the bike patrol cited it for impeding traffic...


  Muhahhahaha

[Cailleac Bhuer]

Love him or hate him, he sure hits the nail on the head with this! Bill Gates recently gave a speech at a High School about 11 things they did not and will not learn in school. He talks about how feel-good, politically correct teachings created a generation of kids with no concept of reality and how this concept set them up for failure in the real world.


Rule 1: Life is not fair - get used to it!

Rule 2 : The world won't care about your self-esteem. The world will expect you to accomplish something BEFORE you feel good about yourself.

Rule 3 : You will NOT make $60,000 a year right out of high school. You won't be a vice-president with a car phone until you earn both.

Rule 4 : If you think your teacher is tough, wait till you get a boss.

Rule 5 : Flipping burgers is not beneath your dignity. Your Grandparents had a different word for burger flipping: they called it opportunity.

Rule 6: If you mess up, it's not your parents' fault, so don't whine about your mistakes, learn from them.

Rule 7: Before you were born, your parents weren't as boring as they are now. They got that way from paying your bills, cleaning your clothes and listening to you talk about how cool you thought you were. So before you save the rain forest from the parasites of your parent's generation, try delousing the closet in your own room.

Rule 8: Your school may have done away with winners and losers, but life HAS NOT. In some schools, they have abolished failing grades and they'll give you as MANY TIMES as you want to get the right answer. This doesn't bear the slightest resemblance to ANYTHING in real life.

Rule 9: Life is not divided into semesters. You don't get summers off and very few employers are interested in helping you FIND YOURSELF. Do that on your own time.

Rule 10: Television is NOT real life. In real life people actually have to leave the coffee shop and go to jobs.

Rule 11: Be nice to nerds. Chances are you'll end up working for one.

[Rob 57 Oval (Talon)]

Wow.... that sounds like life in the US Air Force... or life in general!!
Enjoy the "change"  LOL   

[Rick G]

A man kills a deer and takes it home to his family.

He and his wife decided not to tell the kids what kind of meat they are having but to give them some clues and see if they can guess.

The kids were very curious and kept asking for clues. Dad, with a bright smile said "It's what mommy calls daddy sometimes"

The little girl spit out the food in her mouth and screamed to her brother "Don't eat it they're serving us a$$hole"

[Rob 57 Oval (Talon)]

LMFAO!!!   

[Cailleac Bhuer]

Too funny!  I had to share that one!


Oh, I found this pic, thought it was priceless:

[Rob 57 Oval (Talon)]

VolksDragen,

I just got my limo out of the shop!!  We could hook up and reap the $$ at the Redneck Family Reunions/Weddings!!  

[Kimbo]

.... be interesting to see the bride climbing in 'n out the windows !!

[Kimbo]

 Two Irishmen were standing at the base of a flagpole, looking up.

 A blonde walks by and asked them what they were doing.
 
 Paddy replied, 'We're supposed to be finding the height of
 this flagpole, but we don't have a ladder.'

 The blonde took out an adjustable spanner from her bag, loosened
 a few bolts and laid the flagpole down.
 
 She got a tape measure out of her pocket, took a few measurements,
 and announced that it was 18 feet 6 inches.
 
 Then, she walked off.
 
 Mick said to Paddy, 'Isn't that just like a blonde! We
 need the height and she gives us the f***'n length.'

[VolksDragen]

VolksDragen,

I just got my limo out of the shop!!  We could hook up and reap the $$ at the Redneck Family Reunions/Weddings!!  

LOL Talon...
Check out our demolition car we did a few years ago!!
Notice the 'pipes' - That little v6 sure sounded sweet

[VolksDragen]

Wishing everyone a 'Happy Thanksgiving' 

[Rob 57 Oval (Talon)]

OMG!!!!  I think I just blew an O-Ring, I was LOL soo hard. 

Happy Turkey to all.

[VolksDragen]

More redneck funnies.

A new redneck law was just recently passed;
When a couple gets divorced, they are STILL cousins.

Did you heare about the $3million redneck lottery?
The winner gets $3.00 a year for a million years.

Who invented the toothbrush? A redneck.
(if it had been invented by anyone else it would have been called a Teethbrush)

Two reasons why it's so hard to solve a redneck murder:
1) the DNA is all the same.
2) There are no dental records.

Did you hear that they have raised the minimum drinking age for rednecks to 32?
It seems they want to keep alcohol out the the high schools.

How do you know when you're staying in a redneck motel?
When you call the front desk and say 'i gotta leak in my sink'
the clerk replies, 'Go ahead'

[dflash]

Redneck calls 911!  911 operator; what is your emergency?  REDNECK; ya my ol' lady got all tored up by a wild pig , she needs a ambulance to come pick her up.   911 OPERATOR; whats the address? REDNECK; 312 eucalyptus st.  911 OPERATOR; how do you spell that? REDNECK; uhh, o.k. wait I'll drag her over to Oak st. you can pick her up there!

[VolksDragen]

Redneck calls 911!  911 operator; what is your emergency?  REDNECK; ya my ol' lady got all tored up by a wild pig , she needs a ambulance to come pick her up.   911 OPERATOR; whats the address? REDNECK; 312 eucalyptus st.  911 OPERATOR; how do you spell that? REDNECK; uhh, o.k. wait I'll drag her over to Oak st. you can pick her up there!

Good one!