Joke of the day

[paulie]

Post your funny joke here and brighten someones day.........................

[paulie]

A timely joke....



George Bush, Dick Cheney and Donald Rumsfeld are flying on Air Force One.

The President looks at the Vice President, chuckles, and says, "You know, I could throw a $1,000 bill out the window right now and make somebody very happy."

The Vice President shrugs and says, "Well, I could throw 10 $100 bills out the window and make 10 people very happy."

Not to be outdone, the Secretary of Defense says, "Of course, then, I could throw 100 $10 bills out the window and make a hundred people very happy."

The pilot rolls his eyes and says to his co-pilot, "Such arrogant asses back there. Hell, I could throw the three of them out the window and make 56 million people unbelievably happy."

[paulie]

A senior citizen in Florida bought a brand new Mercedes convertible. He took off down the road, flooring it to 80 mph and enjoying the wind blowing through what little hair he had left on his head. "This is great," he thought as he roared down I-75. He pushed the pedal to the metal even more. Then he looked in his rear view mirror and saw a highway patrol trooper behind him, blue lights flashing and siren blaring.

"I can get away from him with no problem," thought the man and he tromped it some more and flew down the road at over 100 mph. Then 110, 120 mph. Then he thought, "What am I doing? I'm too old for this kind of thing." He pulled over to the side of the road and waited for the trooper to catch up with him.

The trooper pulled in behind the Mercedes and walked up to the man. "Sir," he said, looking at his watch. "My shift ends in 30 minutes and today is Friday. If you can give me a reason Why you were speeding that I've never heard before, I'll let you go."

The man looked at the trooper and said, "Years ago my wife ran off with a Florida State trooper, and I thought you were bringing her back."
The trooper replied, "Sir, have a nice day."

[Don]

 A little old lady went into the Bank of Canada one day, carrying a bag of money. She insisted that she must speak with the president of the bank to open a savings account because, "It's a lot of money!" After much hemming and hawing, the bank staff finally ushered her into the president's office.

    The bank president then asked her how much she would like to deposit. She replied, "$165,000!" and dumped the cash out of her bag onto his desk. The president was, of course, curious as to how she came by all this cash, so he asked her, "Ma'am, I'm surprised you're carrying so much cash around. Where did you get this money?" The old lady replied, "I make bets."

    The president then asked, "Bets? What kind of bets?" The old woman said, "Well, for example, I'll bet you $25,000 that your balls are square." "Ha!" laughed the president, "That's a stupid bet. You can never win that kind of bet!" The old lady challenged, "So, would you like to take my bet?" "Sure," said the president, "I'll bet $25,000 that my balls are not square!" The little old lady then said, "Okay, but since there is a lot of money involved, may I bring my lawyer with me tomorrow at 10:00 am as a witness?" "Sure!" replied the confident president.

    That night, the president got very nervous about the bet and spent a long time in front of a mirror  checking his balls, turning from side to side, again and again. He thoroughly checked them out until he was sure that there was absolutely no way his balls were square and that he would win the bet.

    The next morning, at precisely 10 am, the little old lady appeared with her lawyer at the president's office. She introduced the lawyer to the president and repeated the bet:  "$25,000 says the president's balls are square!" The president agreed with the bet again and the old lady asked him to drop his pants so they could all see. The president complied. The little old lady peered closely at his balls and then asked if she could feel them.  "Well, Okay," said the president,"$25,000 is a lot of money, so I guess you should be absolutely sure."

    Just then, he noticed that the lawyer was quietly banging his head against the wall. The president asked the old lady, "What the hell's the matter with your lawyer?" She replied, "Nothing, except I bet him $50,000 that at 10 am today, I'd have the president of the Bank of Canada's balls in my hand."

[Don]

<-----Hardcore Republican
thought it was funny

The pilot I'm sure was Democrat.

[paulie]

no Democrat here....


just a joke...

[paulie]

A man and a friend are playing golf one day. One of the guys is about to chip onto the green when he sees a long funeral procession on the road next to the course.

He stops in mid-swing, takes off his golf cap, closes his eyes, and bows down in prayer. His friend says: "Wow that is the most thoughtful and touching thing I have ever seen. You are truly a kind man."

The man then replies: "Yeah, well, we were married 35 years."

[Don]

It just proves what a great country we live in.
We can freely make fun of of our leaders with out repercussion.
I does make it hard sometime to watch the news.
Please watch these videos.
http://www.devilducky.com/media/45151/

http://www.veoh.com/videoDetails.html;jsessionid=D2EC42A2F99EABFE0FD7E1C1C21CFAFE?v=e60934paZSwFqc&feature=1&likeVideo=e66469PXqsshca

[buggdude]

Two friends, a blonde and a redhead, are walking down the street and pass a flower shop where the redhead happens to see her boyfriend buying flowers. She sighs and says, "Oh, crap, my boyfriend is buying me flowers again."

The blonde looks quizzically at her and says," You don't like
getting flowers?"

The redhead says, "I love getting flowers, but he always has
expectations after giving me flowers, and I just don't feel like 
spending the next three days on my back with my legs in the air."

The blonde says, "Don't you have a vase?"

 

[BugZyla.com]

I saw a bumper sticker a long time ago that had a pic of Bill & Hillary Clinton on it and below the pic it read " DUAL AIR BAGS" 

[paulie]

What is the only food that eliminates a womans sexual drive?




























































































































Wedding cake.

[Don]

 

[Rick G]

I saw a bumper sticker a long time ago that had a pic of Bill & Hillary Clinton on it and below the pic it read " DUAL AIR BAGS"

[Don]

 

[VIN]

http://www.dump.com/links.php?link=1071971&q=worst+job&c=0&a=1&v=text

check this out

[Scottie]

This old man is out in a lake fishing, when a little frog jumps into the boat and into his lap.

The frog says..."I am actually a beautiful young woman, and if you kiss me it will break the curse
and I will do anything you want and make love to you night and day"

So the old man puts the frog into his pocket and continues fishing...

Several minutes go by and the frog speaks up...

"HEY!.... aren't you going to kiss me?!?!?"

The old man says" Naw... at my age its better to have a talking frog!"

[Don]

 

[Don]

Why are the militants smiling?

[Don]

 

[Don]

Finally, a juice for everywhore!

[buggdude]

  everywhore hehehe 

[Kevin]

ive heard of noni juice...hawaii i believe....

[Scottie]

GOT CHILLI!

[Don]

 

[Don]

An old man and women owned a farm. The old man died and the woman couldn't handle the farm by herself so she was going to hire someone to help her. The only job applicants were the town drunk and a new guy in town, who was gay. So she chose the gay guy; they worked together for a week or so and got the farm back together.
The old woman was pleased with the work and worn out, so she decided to give herself and her hired hand the night off. Both went out to dinner, she with her friends and he with his. But when the old woman got home, he wasn't there. When he finally came in, she told him,