Joke of the day

[VolksDragen]

Welcome to Chirco forums 62RRR

[buggyman]

 

I was talking to a friend of mine's little girl and she said she wanted to be President some day. Both of her parents, liberal Democrats, were standing there, so I asked her, "If you were President what would be the first thing you would do?"

She replied, "I'd give food and houses to all the homeless people."

"Wow - what a worthy goal," I told her.

"You don't have to wait until you're President to do that. You can come over to my house and mow, pull weeds, rake my yard, and I'll pay you $25.00. Then I'll take you over to the grocery store, where a homeless guy hangs out, and you can give him the $25.00 to use toward food or a new house."

She thought that over for a few seconds because she's only 6, and while her Mom glared at me, the little girl looked me straight in the eye and asked,  "Why doesn't the homeless guy come over and do the work, and you can just pay him the $25.00?"

And I said, "Welcome to the Republican Party."

Her folks still aren't speaking to me.
 

[VIN]

nice buggyman.

[Don]

Ditto

[Dilligaf]

Polish Sausage

Everyone is in a hurry to scream 'racism' these days!

'In what aisle could I find the Polish sausage?'
The clerk looks at him and says, 'Are you Polish?'

The guy (clearly offended) says, 'Well, yes I am.
 

 But let me ask you something.

If I had asked for Italian sausage,

 
would you ask me if I was Italian?

Or if I had asked for German Bratwurst,
would you ask me if I was German?

Or if I asked for a kosher hot dog.
would you ask me if I was Jewish?

Or if I had asked for a taco,
would you ask if I was Mexican?'

'If I asked for some Irish whiskey,
would you ask if I was Irish?'

The clerk says, 'Well, no, I probably wouldn't!'

With deep self-righteous indignation, the guy says,
'Well then, why did you ask me if I'm Polish
because I asked for Polish sausage?'

The clerk replied, 'Because you're in Home Depot'

[Don]

Very funnyski

[Don]

[Dilligaf]

Ouch!!!

Was that filmed in your back yard?

[Don]

That one of those kid things that sounds good in the planning stages.

[VolksDragen]

What was the background music to that stunt.... 'The nutcracker suite'? 

[Rick G]

When you're from the country you look at things a
little different..........


A  Montana rancher got in his pickup and drove to a
neighboring ranch and knocked at the door. A young
Boy, about 9, opened the door.

'Is yer Dad home?' the rancher asked.

'No sir, he ain't,' the boy replied. 'He went into
town.'

'Well,' said the rancher, 'Is yer Mother here?'

'No, sir, she ain't here neither. She went into town
with  Dad.'

'How about your brother, Howard? Is he here?'

No sir, 'He went with Mom and Dad.'

The rancher stood there for a few minutes, shifting
from one foot to the other and mumbling to himself.

'Is there anything I can do fer ya?' the boy asked
politely 'I know where all the tools are, if you want
to borry one. Or maybe I could take a message fer
Dad.'

'Well,' said the rancher uncomfortably, 'I really
wanted to talk to yer Dad. It's about your  brother
Howard getting my daughter, Pearly Mae, pregnant.'

The boy considered for a moment.. 'You would have to
talk to Pa about that', he finally conceded. 'If it
helps you any, I know that Pa charges $500 for the
bull and $50 for the hog, but I really don't know how
much he gets fer Howard.'

 

[Rick G]

A trucker who has been out on the road for three weeks stops into a brothel outside Kalgoorlie.
 
He walks straight up to the Madam, drops down $500 and says, I want your ugliest woman and a burnt pork chop.!!
 
The Madam is astonished. 'But sir, for that kind of money you could have one of my finest ladies and a lovely three-course meal.



 
The trucker replies,
 
           'Listen sweetheart, I ain't horny . . . . . I'm homesick.*
 

[VolksDragen]

A trucker who has been out on the road for three weeks stops into a brothel outside Kalgoorlie.
 
He walks straight up to the Madam, drops down $500 and says, I want your ugliest woman and a burnt pork chop.!!
 
The Madam is astonished. 'But sir, for that kind of money you could have one of my finest ladies and a lovely three-course meal.



 
The trucker replies,
 
           'Listen sweetheart, I ain't horny . . . . . I'm homesick.*
 

DOH Rick for your sake, I hope your wife does not read that one or yull never see those 'clackers' of yours again

[VolksDragen]

Not a Joke but so true
An Obituary printed in the London Times........ Interesting and sadly rather true.



'Today we mourn the passing of a beloved old friend, Common Sense, who has been with us for many years. No one knows for sure how old he was, since his birth records were long ago lost in bureaucratic red tape. He will be remembered as having cultivated such valuable lessons as:


Knowing when to come in out of the rain; why the early bird gets the worm; Life isn't always fair; and maybe it was my fault.


Common Sense lived by simple, sound financial policies (don't spend more than you can earn) and reliable strategies (adults, not children, are in charge).


His health began to deteriorate rapidly when well-intentioned but overbearing regulations were set in place. Reports of a 6-year-old boy charged with sexual harassment for kissing a classmate; teens suspended from school for using mouthwash after lunch; and a teacher fired for reprimanding an unruly student, only worsened his condition.


Common Sense lost ground when parents attacked teachers for doing the job that they themselves had failed to do in disciplining their unruly children.


Common Sense declined even further when schools were required to get parental consent to administer sun lotion or an Aspirin to a student; but could not inform parents when a student became pregnant and wanted to have an abortion.


Common Sense lost the will to live as the churches became businesses; and criminals received better treatment than their victims. Common Sense took a beating when you couldn't defend yourself from a burglar in your own home and the burglar could sue you for assault.


Common Sense finally gave up the will to live, after a woman failed to realize that a steaming cup of coffee was hot. She spilled a little in her lap, and was promptly awarded a huge settlement.


Common Sense was preceded in death by his parents, Truth and Trust, his wife, Discretion, his daughter, Responsibility and his son, Reason.


He is survived by his 4 stepbrothers;


I Know My Rights


I Want It Now


Someone Else Is To Blame


I'm A Victim

[Rick G]

This one may have been posted here before, but it showed up in my mailbox so i had to share



TEXAS SEX
  Two  Texans were out on the range talking about their favorite sex  positions.

 One said, 'I think I enjoy the rodeo position  the best.'

 'I don't think I have ever heard of that one,'  said the other cowboy 'What is it?'

 'Well, it's where you  get your wife down on all fours and you mount her from  behind.

 Then you reach around and cup each one of  her breasts in your hands and whisper in her ear:
 'Boy,  these feel just like your sister's.'

 Then you try and  stay on for 8 seconds.' 

[Rick G]

This is a good one to tell when taking your kids temp:

What is the difference between an oral and a rectal thermometer?? 
The taste!!

[Dilligaf]

    A WOMAN'S POEM:
    Before I lay me down to sleep,
    I pray for a man who's not a creep,
    One who's handsome, smart and strong.
    One who loves to listen long,
    One who thinks before he speaks,
    One who'll call, not wait for weeks. 

    I pray he's rich and self-employed,
    And when I spend, won't be annoyed.
    Pull out my chair and hold my hand.
    Massage my feet and help me stand.
    Oh send a king to make me queen.
    A man who loves to cook and clean.
    I pray this man will love no other.
    And relish visits with my mother.

     

    A MAN'S POEM:
    I pray for a deaf-muted gymnast, nymphomaniac with
    big t!ts who owns a bar on a golf course,
    and loves to send me fishing and drinking. This
    doesn't rhyme and I don't give a $hit.


     

[Rick G]

The best ones are true.

This is not a joke, but it is funny.

http://www.deseretnews.com/article/705298541/Frightened-burglar-soils-himself.html

Talk about your patina

[VolksDragen]

The best ones are true.

This is not a joke, but it is funny.

http://www.deseretnews.com/article/705298541/Frightened-burglar-soils-himself.html

Talk about your patina

Just what that kid needed some nation-wide humiliation   I think a lot of smart a$$ teenagers need the Crap scared out of them   Maybe they'd think twice about pulling another act of disrespect of others property

[Rick G]

I found this on a friends site

[VolksDragen]

You know you've talked to this guy before

[VolksDragen]

Wow it might actually rain in Cali. Now that's a JOKE
Nope, All gone

[Don]

It used to rain a lot.

[Rob 57 Oval (Talon)]

Try living in Eastern New Mexico/West Texas like Pit, Jack and I do...  I think it rains more on the sun

[VIN]

what is this "rains" stuff you speak of???