Joke of the day

[VolksDragen]

Can you spot the Wal-mart Smiley

[Bugga]

Can you spot the Wal-mart Smiley

teehee thats funny!

[VolksDragen]

From Cambridge University .

Olny srmat poelpe can raed tihs.
I cdnuolt blveiee taht I cluod aulaclty  uesdnatnrd waht I was rdanieg. The phaonmneal pweor of the hmuan mnid, aoccdrnig  to a rscheearch at Cmabrigde Uinervtisy, it deosn't mttaer in waht oredr the ltteers in a wrod are, the olny iprmoatnt tihng is taht the frist and lsat ltteer be in the rgh it pclae. The rset can be a taotl mses and you can sitll raed it wouthit a porbelm. Tihs is bcuseae the huamn mnid deos not raed ervey lteter by istlef, but the wrod as a wlohe. Amzanig huh? yaeh and I awlyas tghuhot slpeling was ipmorantt! if you can raed tihs psas it on  !!

[Dilligaf]

THE MICHIGAN WIFE 

Three men were sitting together bragging about
how they had given their new wives duties. 

The first man had married a woman from Ohio.
And he told her that she was going to do the dishes and house cleaning. 
It took a couple of days, but on the third day he came home to see a clean house and dishes washed and put away. 

The second man had married a woman from Illinois. 
He had given his wife orders that she was to do
all the cleaning, dishes, and the cooking.
The first day he didn't see any results but the second day he saw it was better.  By the third day, he saw his house was clean the dishes were done, and there was a huge dinner on the table.

The third man had married a beautiful girl from Michigan. 
He told her that her duties were to keep the house cleaned,
dishes washed, lawn mowed, laundry washed,
and have hot meals on the table for every meal. 
He said the first day he didn't see anything,
the second day he didn't see anything.
But by the third day some of the swelling had gone down
and he could see a little out of his left eye
enough to fix himself a sandwich and load the dishwasher.

[VolksDragen]

Very disturbing news flash:

Neil Armstrong was not the First man on the moon, It was Billy-Bob Skidmore, This long lost Photo found by the 'Inquisitor' proves it!!

[Leatherneck]

Job Interview
A man seeking to join a Texas Sheriff's Department is being interviewed. The Deputy doing the interview says: "Your qualifications all look good, but there is an attitude suitability test that you must take before you can be accepted."

Then, sliding a service pistol across the desk, he says: "Take this pistol and go out and shoot six illegal aliens, six meth dealers, six Muslim extremists, and a rabbit. "

"Why the rabbit?"

"Great attitude," says the Sergeant. "When can you start?"

[Don]

.
<a href="http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=0V-WBmT5J9E" target="_blank">http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=0V-WBmT5J9E</a>

[Don]

.
<a href="http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4XIL81FNLJk" target="_blank">http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4XIL81FNLJk</a>

[Dilligaf]

A drunk walks out of a bar with a key in his hand and he is
stumbling back and forth. A cop on the beat sees him and
approaches, 'Can I help you Sir?'

'Yessh! Ssssomebody ssstole my carrr', the man replies.

The cop asks, 'Where was your car the last time you saw it?'

'It wasss on the end of thisshh key', the man replies.

About that time the cop looks down and sees the man's
wiener hanging out of his fly for all the world to see.  He
asks the man, 'Sir are you aware that you are exposing
yourself?'

Momentarily confused, the drunk looks down at his crotch
and without missing a beat, blurts out....

'Holy $hit! My girlfriend's gone, too!!

[Don]

Found on LLVW.com

[VolksDragen]

yO DoG dAtZ sOme wAcK $***    "miCroSoFt wOrd" 2 ya mUthA  pEaCe OuT

[Dilligaf]

 STEELERS BABY
A Pittsburgh Steelers fan is drinking in a Cleveland bar, when he gets a call on his cell phone. He hangs up, grinning from ear to ear, and orders a round of drinks for everybody in the bar, announcing his wife has just given birth to a typical Pittsburgh baby boy weighing 25 pounds. Nobody can believe that any new baby can weigh in at 25 pounds, but the Steelers fan just shrugs and replies: "That's about average back home, folks, like I said, my boy's a typical Pittsburgh baby boy."
"He's gonna be a Pittsburgh Steelers football player." Congratulations showered him from all around, amid many exclamations of "WOW!"
One woman actually fainted due to sympathy pains.
Two weeks later, he returns to the bar. The bartender says: "Say, aren't you the father of that typical Pittsburgh baby that weighed 25 pounds at birth? Everybody's been making bets about how big he'd be in two weeks."
"So, how much does he weigh now?"
The proud father answers: "Seventeen pounds."
The bartender is puzzled, concerned and a little suspicious. "What happened? He already weighed 25 pounds the day he was born!"
The Steelers fan father takes a slow swig of his beer, wipes his lips on his shirt sleeve, leans into the bartender and proudly says:
"HAD HIM CIRCUMCISED!!!."

[Kimbo]

LOL - didn't take long, did it - good job the Cardinals didn't win, you wouldn't be able to say the same thing about losing that much weight if it had been an AZ baby (ooo, gonna get a few smites for that), unless of course it was somehow related to Chirco staff, friends, customers, wifes, husbands, girlfriends, relatives, forum members.......... !

[VolksDragen]

Since the "Big three" are not selling SUV's they are forced to go back to the original Design.

[VolksDragen]

 

[Leatherneck]

Sorry this is a a joke, just not very funny.

This year, taxpayers will receive an Economic Stimulus Payment. This  is a very exciting new program that I will explain using the Q and  A format:

 
Q. What is an Economic Stimulus Payment?
A. It is money that the federal government will send to taxpayers.

Q. Where will the government get this money?
A. From taxpayers.

Q. So the government is giving me back my own money?
A. Only a smidgen.

Q. What is the purpose of this payment?
A. The plan is that you will use the money to purchase a high-definition TV
    set, thus stimulating the economy.

Q. But isn't that stimulating the economy of China ?
A. Shut up.

Below is some helpful advice on how to best help the US
economy by spending your stimulus check wisely:

If you spend that money at Wal-Mart, all the money will go to China.
If you spend it on gasoline it will go to the Arabs.
If you purchase a computer it will go to India.
If you purchase fruit and vegetables it will go to Mexico,Honduras, and Guatemala (unless you buy organic).
If you buy a car it will go to Japan.
If you purchase useless crap it will go to Taiwan.

And none of it will help the American economy. We need to keep that money here in America. You can keep
the money in America by spending it at yard sales, going to a baseball game, or spend it
on prostitutes, beer and wine (domestic ONLY), or tattoos, since those are the only businesses still in the US.

[VolksDragen]

But what makes it funny that it's all true

[Kimbo]

I'm hearing that - different country, but the same political BS

[Leatherneck]

Mysterious Ways of the Lord!!!!!


I never thought I would enjoy watching the news about an airplane crash.  But the Lord works in mysterious ways, and with a sense of humor!

First:       No one died!
Second:  The passengers standing on the wing appeared to be walking on water!

Third:      It removed Obama from the headlines for 24 hours!

Fourth:    No one in the government could take credit for the miracle!
and

Fifth:       It wasn't George Bush's fault!

[Leatherneck]

Questions and Answers from an AARP Forum, Don, is this true? 
 
 Q: Where can men over the age of 60 find younger, sexy
 women who are interested in them?
 A: Try a bookstore under fiction.
 
 Q: What can a man do while his wife is going through
 menopause?
 A: Keep busy. If you're handy with tools, you can
 finish the basement.  When you are done you will have a place to live.
 
 Q:Someone has told me that menopause is mentioned in the
 Bible. Is that true? Where  can  it be  found?
 A: Yes. Matthew 14:92: 'And Mary rode Joseph's ass all the way to Egypt ..'
 
 Q: How can you increase the heart rate of your 60+ year old husband?
 A: Tell him you're pregnant.
 
 Q: How can you avoid that terrible curse of the elderly wrinkles?
 A: Take off your glasses.
 
Q: Seriously! What can I do for these crow's feet and
 all those wrinkles on my face?
 A: Go bra less. It will usually pull them out.
 
 Q: Why should 60+ year old people use valet parking?
 A: Valets don't forget where they park your car.
 
 Q: Is it common for 60+ year olds to have problems with
 short term memory storage?
 A: Storing memory is not a problem, retrieving it is a problem.
 
 Q: As people age, do they sleep more soundly?
 A: Yes, but usually in the afternoon.
 
 Q: Where should 60+ year olds look for eye glasses?
 A: On their foreheads.
 
 Q: What is the most common remark made by 60+ year olds
 when they enter antique stores?
 A: 'Gosh, I remember these.
 
 SMILE, You've still got your sense of humor, right?

[VolksDragen]

Those are great Leatherneck

[Dilligaf]

Winter Blonde

As a trucker stops for a red light, a blonde catches up. She jumps out of her car, runs up to his truck, and knocks on the door.

The trucker lowers the window, and she says "Hi, my name is Heather and you are losing some of your load." 

The trucker ignores her and proceeds down the street.

When the truck stops for another red light, the girl catches up again.

She jumps out of her car, runs up and knocks on the door.

Again, the trucker lowers the window. As if they've never spoken, the blonde says brightly, "Hi my name is Heather, and you are losing some of your load!"

Shaking his head, the trucker ignores her again and continues down the street.

At the third red light, the same thing happens again.
 
All out of breath, the blonde gets out of her car, runs up, knocks on the truck door. The trucker rolls down the window. Again she says "Hi, my name is Heather, and you are losing some of your load!"

When the light turns green the trucker revs up and races to the next light.

When he stops this time, he hurriedly gets out of the truck, and runs back to the blonde.


 
He knocks on her window, and after she lowers it, he says...
"Hi, my name is Mark, it's winter in Ohio and I'm driving the
SALT TRUCK!"
 

[Don]

Here is Frank disciplining my youngest son for talking back to him.

[VIN]

that oughta taught him

[Rick G]

"woman with the biggest boobs you've ever seen"

where is pic