Joke of the day

[VIN]

^^^^^ LOL

[Kevin]

roflmao...DON!

[VIN]

Mujibar was trying to get a job in India.

The Personnel Manager said, "Mujibar, you have passed all the tests, except one. Unless you pass it, you cannot qualify for this job".

Mujibar said, "I am ready."

The manager said, "Make a sentence using the words Yellow, Pink and Green.  Mujibar thought for a few minutes and said, "Mister manager, I am ready."

The manager said, "Go ahead."

Mujibar said, "The telephone goes green, green, green, and I pink it up, and say, 'Yellow, this is Mujibar.'"

Mujibar now works as a technician at a call center for computer problems. No doubt you have spoken to him.

[Don]

A guy goes to the supermarket and notices a beautiful blonde woman wave  at him and says hello.
He's rather taken aback, because he can't  place where he knows her from.
So he says, "Do you Know me?"
To which she replies, "I think you're the father of one of my kids." 

Now his mind travels back to the only time he as ever been unfaithful to his wife and says,
"My Gosh, are you the stripper from my bachelor party that I laid on the pool table with all my buddies watching,
while your partner whipped my butt with wet celery stalk. 

She looks into his eye  and calmly says, "No, I'm your son's math teacher."

[corrosion]

That's a classic.

[VIN]

 

[Scottie]

I hear that in countries where terrorists most often hide the government
forbids SEX EDUCATION and DRIVERS EDUCATION on the same day.










Its too hard on the camels!

[corrosion]

           A guy walks into the local welfare office, marches
> straight up to the counter and says, "Hi... You know, I just HATE drawing
> welfare. I'd really rather have a job."
>  ~
> The social worker behind the counter says, "Your
> timing is excellent. We just got a job opening from a very wealthy old man
> who wants a chauffeur/bodyguard for his nymphomaniac daughter.
>  ~
> You'll have to drive around in his Mercedes, but he'll supply all of your
> clothes.Because of the long hours, meals will be provided. You'll be
> expected to escort her on her overseas holiday trips.
>  ~
> You will have to satisfy her sexual urges.
> You'll have a two-bedroom apartment above the garage.
> The starting salary is $200,000 a year".
>  ~
> The guy says, "You're bullshittin' me!"
>
> The social worker says, "Yeah, well...you started it."
>   

[Don]

[corrosion]

An old couple who hadn't celebrated Halloween in a long time decided to dress up and go out.
The old woman went into her bedroom, stripped naked and tied a lemon between her legs.
When she came out, the old man cried, "You can't go like that!"
She said, "I can go anyway I like and so can you."
Whereupon he retired to the bedroom and came out stark raving naked with a potato tied to his tallywhaker.
The old woman says, "You're going out like that?" and he replies,
"Yep, if you can go as a sour-puss, then I can go as a
dick-tator."........................

[Scottie]

Sunday mornings?

[Don]

Redneck Honeymoon   
 
  A redneck couple gets married and are on their honeymoon. The woman changes into a sexy outfit and lies on the bed. She looks sheepishly up at her new hubby and whispers, "Please be gentle with me. I'm a virgin."
The man gets up screaming, grabs his trousers and runs home to tell his father.

His father comforts him by saying, "Now, now. It'll be okay, son. If she wasn't good enough for her own family, then she isn't good enough for ours."
 

[Don]

 
  The Perfect Husband   
 
  Several men are in the locker room of a golf club. A cell phone on a bench rings and a man engages the hands-free speaker- function and begins to talk. Everyone else in the room stops to listen.

MAN: "Hello" WOMAN: "Honey, it's me. Are you at the club?" MAN: "Yes" WOMAN: "I'm at the mall now and found this beautiful leather coat. It's only $1,000. Is it OK if I buy it?" MAN: "Sure, go ahead if you like it that much." WOMAN: "I also stopped by the Mercedes dealership and saw the new 2007 models. I saw one I really liked." MAN: "How much?" WOMAN: "$65,000." MAN: "OK, but for that price I want it with all the options." WOMAN: "Great! Oh, and one more thing. The house we wanted last year is back on the market. They're asking $950,000." MAN: "Well, then go ahead and give them an offer, but just offer $900,000." WOMAN: "OK. I'll see you later! I love you!" MAN: "Bye, I love you, too."

The man hangs up. The other men in the locker room are looking at him in astonishment. Then he smiles and asks: "Anyone know whose phone this is?" 

[VIN]

 THE LONELY BRAIN CELL
> >
> >
> >Once upon a time there was a female brain cell
> which, by mistake,
> happened to end up in a man's head.
> >
> >
> >She looked around nervously because it was all
> empty and quiet.
> >
> >
> >"Hello?" she cried, but no answer.
> >
> >
> >"Is there anyone here?" she cried a little louder,
> but still no answer.
> >
> >
> >Now the female brain cell started to feel alone and
> scared and yelled
> at the top of her voice,
> >
> >"HELLO, IS THERE ANYONE HERE?"
> >
> >
> >Then she heard a faint voice from far, far
> away..............
> >
> >We're down here ..."
> >
>

[Scottie]

HAPPY HALLOWEEN!

[Pokey]

Did you hear about the new birth control pill for men? You put it in your shoe and it makes you limp.

[Don]

Blonde Joke..


A blonde calls her boyfriend and says, "Please come over here and help me.
I have a killer jigsaw puzzle, and I can't figure out how to get it started."

Her boyfriend asks, "What is it supposed to be when it's Finished?"

The blonde says, "According to the picture on the box, it's A tiger."

Her boyfriend decides to go over and help with the puzzle. She lets him in and shows
him where she has the puzzle spread all over the table.

He studies the pieces for a moment, then looks at the box, then turns to her and
says, "First of all, no matter what we do, we're not going to be able to assemble
these pieces! in to anything resembling a tiger."


He takes her hand and says, "Second, I want you to relax. Let's have a nice cup
of tea, and then "

He sighed......... ....... "Let's put all the Frosted Flakes back in the box

[Don]

A cabbie picks up a Nun. She gets into the cab, and the cab driver won't
> stop staring at her. She asks him why he is staring.
> He replies, "I have a question to ask you, but I don't want to offend
> you".
> She answers, "My son, you cannot offend me. When you're as old as  I am
> and have been a nun as long as I have, you get a chance to  see and hear
> just about everything. I'm sure that there's nothing you could say or ask
> that I would find offensive."
> "Well, I've always had a fantasy to have a nun kiss me," he tells her.
> She responds, "Well, let's see what we can do about that - 1, you have to
> be single and 2, you must be Catholic."
> The cab driver is very excited and says, "Yes, I'm single and Catholic!"
> "OK," the nun says, "Pull into the next alley."
> The nun fulfills his fantasy with a kiss that would make a hooker blush.
> But when they get back on the road, the cab driver starts crying. "My
> dear child," said the nun, "Why are you crying?"
> "Forgive me, Sister, but I've sinned. I lied. I must confess, I'm married
> and I'm Jewish."
> The nun says, "That's OK, my name is Kevin, and I'm going to a Halloween
> party."

[Don]

The Boy's First Time!!!!!!!!!!!!!
 

 

A girl asks her boyfriend to come over Friday night

& have dinner with her parents. Since this is such a

big event, the girl announces to her boyfriend that

after dinner, she would like to go out & make love

for the first time.



* * * * * * * * *

Well, the boy is ecstatic, but he has never had sex

before, so he takes a trip to the pharmacist to get

some condoms. He tells the pharmacist it's his first time &

the pharmacist helps the boy for about an hour.



He tells the boy everything there is to know
about condoms and sex.


* * * * * * * * *


At the register, the pharmacist asks the boy how many

condoms he'd like to buy, a 3-pack, 10-pack, or family

pack. The boy insists on the family pack because he

thinks he will be rather busy, it being his first time & all.


* * * * * * * * *



That night, the boy shows up at the girl's parents

house & meets his girlfriend at the door. "Oh, I'm

so excited for you to meet my parents, come on in!"



* * * * * * * * *



The boy goes inside & is taken to the dinner table

where the girl's parents are seated. The boy quickly

offers to say grace & bows his head.


* * * * * * * * *


A minute passes, & the boy is still deep in prayer,

with his head down.


* * * * * * * * *


10 minutes pass, & still no movement from the boy.

* * * * * * * * *

Finally, after 20 minutes with his head down, the

girlfriend leans over & whispers to the

boyfriend, "I had no idea you were this religious."

* * * * * * * *

The boy turns, & whispers back, "I had no idea your

father was a pharmacist."
 

[Pokey]

 

[corrosion]

Nice volley of Jokes Don!, But I think I might be able to out do you on My next one.

[Don]

Bring it!

[corrosion]

You want FAST!

[buggdude]

don got a new job???   are you still gonna be on the forum

[Don]

Before I could THINK, BLINK, or turn on the Lights, I already had $hit in my pants"!

Thanks you for shopping at Wal-Mart