Joke of the day

[Kimbo]

..

[Rob 57 Oval (Talon)]

Why did you have to post a before and after pic of me??   

[Kimbo]

Why did you have to post a before and after pic of me??   

.... because I could 

[Kimbo]

Two Mexicans are stuck in the desert after crossing into the United States, wandering aimlessly and starving. They are about to just lie down and wait for death, when all of a sudden Luis says.........

"Hey Pepe, do you smell what I smell. Ees bacon, I theenk."

"Si, Luis, eet sure smells like bacon. "

With renewed hope they struggle up the next sand dune, & there, in the distance, is a tree loaded with bacon.

There's raw bacon, there's fried bacon, back bacon, double smoked bacon ... every imaginable kind of cured pork.

"Pepe, Pepe, we ees saved. Ees a bacon tree."

"Luis, maybe ees a meerage? We ees in the desert don't forget."

"Pepe, since when deed you ever hear of a meerage that smell like bacon...ees no meerage, ees a bacon tree."

And with that, Luis staggers towards the tree. He gets to within 5 metres, Pepe crawling close behind, when suddenly a machine gun opens up, and Luis drops like a wet sock. Mortally wounded, he warns Pepe with his dying breath,

"Pepe... go back man, you was right, ees not a bacon tree!"

"Luis, Luis mi amigo... what ees it? "

"Pepe.. ees not a bacon tree. Ees


Ees


Ees


Ees



Ees a ham bush...."

[TabiCatz]

That was cute. LOL

[Rick G]

[Rick G]

A department store in Netherlands with a sence of humor. open the link and wait a few seconds.

http://producten.hema.nl/

[Kimbo]

Ok, so can you turn it over so's I can scrub the other side please .......

[Kimbo]

Police in Elizabeth, South Australia, just announced the discovery of an arms cache of 2000 semi-automatic rifles with 250,000 rounds of ammunition, 10 anti-tank missiles, 4 grenade launchers, 20 tonnes of heroin, $50 million in forged Australian banknotes and 25 trafficked Asian prostitutes all in a semi-detached house behind the Public Library.

Local residents were stunned.

A community spokesman said, "We're shocked. We never knew we had a library ………."

[Rob 57 Oval (Talon)]

Police in Elizabeth, South Australia, just announced the discovery of an arms cache of 2000 semi-automatic rifles with 250,000 rounds of ammunition, 10 anti-tank missiles, 4 grenade launchers, 20 tonnes of heroin, $50 million in forged Australian banknotes and 25 trafficked Asian prostitutes all in a semi-detached house behind the Public Library.

Local residents were stunned.

A community spokesman said, "We're shocked. We never knew we had a library ………."

LOL  Sounds like Alabama here!!!   

[Rob 57 Oval (Talon)]

Ok, so can you turn it over so's I can scrub the other side please .......

It has been 9 years since I was down under... forgot how big the "road trains" are there!!    
Triple is as long as we go here, and it has been a long time since I have seen more than a double.

BTW... If you drove on the "proper" (right) side of the road like 90% of the world, this poor "train" driver would have been away from the water, and safe. 

[Kimbo]

BTW... If you drove on the "proper" (right) side of the road like 90% of the world, this poor "train" driver would have been away from the water, and safe. 

Sorry 'bout that, I'll have a word with the Prime Minister and see if he can get it changed

[Rob 57 Oval (Talon)]

BTW... If you drove on the "proper" (right) side of the road like 90% of the world, this poor "train" driver would have been away from the water, and safe.  

Sorry 'bout that, I'll have a word with the Prime Minister and see if he can get it changed

 We broke away from the Brits crazy driving ways ( OK.. cars weren't around then).  But Aussies are some of the coolest people I have met!!  Break the Brit rule of left hand drive.  You started out as their penal colony, they didn't want your forefathers, so ditch their "stuffy" ways.     Aussies RULE!!   

[Kimbo]

BTW... If you drove on the "proper" (right) side of the road like 90% of the world, this poor "train" driver would have been away from the water, and safe. 

Sorry 'bout that, I'll have a word with the Prime Minister and see if he can get it changed

.... he said no, and to tell you that you're full of....

[TabiCatz]

BTW... If you drove on the "proper" (right) side of the road like 90% of the world, this poor "train" driver would have been away from the water, and safe. 

Sorry 'bout that, I'll have a word with the Prime Minister and see if he can get it changed

.... he said no, and to tell you that you're full of....

Wait wait wait. Most of the world drives on the right hand side. We're the weirdos! But I agree, Kimbo, have the prime minister break off the stuffy Brit ways. You decedents of criminals you!

[Mike9300]

Little Johnny Is Not An Obama Fan

 
A teacher asked her 6th grade class how many of them were Obama fans.
Not really knowing what an Obama fan is, but wanting to be liked by the teacher, all the kids raised their hands except for Little Johnny.
The teacher asked Little Johnny why he has decided to be different... again.
 
Little Johnny said, "Because I'm not an Obama fan."
 
The teacher asked, "Why aren't you a fan of Obama?" Johnny said, "Because I'm a Republican."
 
The teacher asked him why he's a Republican.  Little Johnny answered, "Well, my Mom's a Republican and
my Dad's a Republican, so I'm a Republican."
 
Annoyed by this answer, the teacher asked, "If your mom were a moron and your dad were an idiot, what would
that make you?"
 
With a big smile, Little Johnny replied, "That would make me an Obama fan."

[Mike9300]

Hillbilly


 That's why he has all that money!!
> 
> A Redneck from Morgantown, West Virginia walked into a bank in New York
> City and asked for the loan officer. He told the loan officer that he was going to Paris on an international redneck festival for
> two weeks and needed to borrow $5,000 and that he was not a depositor of the bank.
>
> The bank officer told him that the bank would need some form of security for the loan, so the Redneck handed over the keys
> to a new Ferrari. The car was parked on the street in front of the bank. The Redneck produced the title and everything checked out. The loan officer agreed to hold the car as collateral for the loan and apologized for having to charge 12% interest.
>
> Later, the bank's president and its officers all enjoyed a good laugh at the Redneck from the south for using a $250,000 Ferrari as collateral for a $5,000 loan. An employee of the bank then drove the Ferrari into the bank's private underground garage and parked it....
>
> Two weeks later, the Redneck returned, repaid the $5,000 and the interest of $23.07. The loan officer said, ir, we are very happy to have had your business, and this transaction has
> worked out very nicely, but we are a little puzzled. While you were away, we checked you out on Dunn & Bradstreet and found
> that you are a highly sophisticated investor and multimillionaire with real estate and financial interests all over the world. What puzzles us is, why would you bother to borrow $5,000?'
>
> The good 'ole West Virginia boy replied, 'Where else in New York City can I park my car for two weeks for only $23.07 and expect it to be there when I return?
> '
> His name was BUBBA....
>
> Gotta love them hillbillies!

[Fleedermaus]

I am at work, and i actually laughed out loud to that one.   

[VolksDragen]

A blond pushes her BMW into a gas station. She tells the mechanic it died.
After he works on it for a few minutes, it is idling smoothly.
She says, "What's the story?"
He replies, "Just crap in the carburetor."
She asks, "How often do I have to do that?"

[Rick G]

Here is a news story that will make you cringe a little

http://news.bbc.co.uk/2/hi/4253849.stm

Spoiler alert, "I found myself completely naked and in excruciating pain" is not the most bizarre of the story.

[TabiCatz]

Here is a news story that will make you cringe a little

http://news.bbc.co.uk/2/hi/4253849.stm

Spoiler alert, "I found myself completely naked and in excruciating pain" is not the most bizarre of the story.

Never mess with a woman who wants to have some fun. NEVER. That is all.

[Rick G]

I know nothing about this, I happened by it by mistake, but it made me laugh

[Mike9300]

I know nothing about this, I happened by it by mistake, but it made me laugh

that thing is sweet......LOL
them are some BIG tires for a 4cly to turn

Check out this 4cyl ......Love how they are smoking while getting the race fuel jugs out of the car.....yes BEER makes everyone feel like superman!

Some lang may not suit the kids....or your boss

So BE CAREFUL WHERE YOU PLAY THIS

Metacafe - Online Video Entertainment - Free video clips for your enjoyment

[VolksDragen]

Backwoods Recipe... One part Budweiser - One part wacky-tabaccy, Two parts third grade education and you got Redneck entertainment that lasts for Days!!!

 

[Mike9300]

Backwoods Recipe... One part Budweiser - One part wacky-tabaccy, Two parts third grade education and you got Redneck entertainment that lasts for Days!!!

 

Yes very true, but I think these guys might have 4th grade education, they had a landing ramp...I learned that in 4th grade